Just about everyone we know does some form of exercise: running, swimming, skiing, biking… something to keep the demons at bay and the waistline in shape. This month is Sports month for Poster Romance, so we thought we should begin with our Top Ten List of Sports We Don’t Think We’re Gonna Try (For now).

1. Goat’s Head Polo – practiced in Outer Mongolia and Kazakhstan (among other places), this sport requires able bodied riders, horses that are okay with the sight of other animal heads, and the aforementioned headless goat. (There’s a great article written about this available here). These photos were taken by a friend who witnessed the sport first-hand.

If I had a choice, I think I’d prefer the other kind of polo.

Call me a snob, but there’s something infinitely appealing about men in britches riding horses and hitting a fast-moving ball with a mallet – been there, seen it, and yes, it left quite the impression.

2. Wakeboarding – The thought of being dragged behind a boat at high speed on a small plank really has no appeal at all to me. That, and the fact that wakeboarding sounds like water-boarding (a subject about which the late Christopher Hitchens wrote a great article for Vanity Fair – you can see the video here) is enough for me to decide that no, I will pass on this one too.

3. Ski-Jumping – A few Winter Olympics ago there was an intrepid contestant who decided that ski jumping really couldn’t be that difficult. Nicknamed Eddie the Eagle (mostly as a joke), Michael Edwards was England’s sole ski jumper and the reason that the International Olympic Committee later decided that qualifications were indeed a prerequisite for this sport. Eddie never flew again. I’m not going to either.

4. Roller Derby – As my friend Sam used to say “Not gonna happen.” Next….

5. Ice Fishing – There is a tradition in the part of the world which I come from whereby some hardy soul finds a windswept, barren and usually very cold patch of lake ice, and builds a temporary shelter there. He (again, it is usually men who do this while their ladyfriends – if they have ladyfriends – are most likely at home, baking bread, or chasing the young ‘uns around, or doing something equally prosaic) then uses a specially adapted chain saw or power drill or something just as scary looking, and makes a hole in the foot-thick ice. Then he places the temporary structure over the hole, places himself in the temporary structure and fishes. VOILA! While I think this looks very naïve and charming, my chances of ice fishing are _ I would guess – fairly remote.

6. Ironman Triathalons – I’ve started swimming two or three times a week in a beautiful community pool which is located just across from my gallery (and while I am still incapable of doing the butterfly stroke I am very proud of the fact that I can now do flip turns.) Frankly, I manage about an hour of swimming, but I can’t fathom the idea of swimming a distance, then biking and then running a whole marathon. (Some of the folks I swim with actually swim in Montreal Lachine Canal to compete in a local version of a triathelon. Better them than me…. )

7. Professional Bowling – Can’t see practicing a sport which Laverne + Shirley made famous, although some of those bowling shirts do have a bit of retro appeal.

8. Motocross – Aside from one limited, exhilarating and totally unforgettable adventure on a motorcyle, my ‘need for speed’ is nonexistent. From what I understand, motocross is fast, dirty, and dangerous. Sounds like something I might like in a man, but most definitely something I don’t want to practice in a sport.

Ditto for

9. Off road Mountain Biking –

And finally,

10. Greco-Roman Wrestling – I cant decide if it’s the outfits for this sport or the sport in and of itself which make me giggle, but again, I can think of lots of other sports I would do before this one. Like for instance, ziplining…

The only thing I will say about these highly unflattering pictures is a)I was on vacation, b) it was fun, and c) yes, the placement of his hand explains the expression on my face.